It's more than a year....

Oh my... it's more than a year since my last entry.... What have I been doing??

Moving on with life, sweeping everything that has happened under the carpet?

Kind of!! but not really under the carpet, probably storing inside a box, waiting for it to rotten, till it smells.... ha ha...

Well, I must say, have been busy with my Advance Diploma Course in Kindergarten Education Teaching @ Singapore Polytechnic since last October. It's a appx. 9 months course which NORMAL people take 3 years to get a Diploma. For ABNORMAL people like me who has no patience to study too long. Who is killing herself with tones of assignments. Nevertheless, it's coming to an end soon..... by 16th August.

Yes, in the mist of assignments now!!! I felt a suddenly urge to share my current little missions. Are they still missions when I sake and tired of it?? Definitely. Even i choose not to named it a MISSION, it is STILL the little missions in life that God has sent me forth.

Therefore, I praise and thank God for the little missions.

Catholic Kindergarten

2012
- Form teacher of Daisy A and B
- Pre-Nursery Music and Movement teacher

2013
- No form class - Relieve teaching only
- Administration
- Pre-Nursery Music and Movement teacher
- Moral Education curriculum planner

Advance Diploma in Kindergarten Education Teaching (Singapore Polytechnic)

Oct 2012 - 2013

Stressful but enjoyable.

Thank God for a wonderful
groupmates and classmates.

Very important especially in a course that is 100% assignment.

Church Life

Ha ha.... still free lancing....
I go where I am needed using the talents God has given me. MUSIC lah!!!








At Home

My two darlings (nephews) lor...


Jevin is turning 4 years soon
Jerome is 7 months old

Recharged!!!

I would like to say that…. with God’s grace I have been reCHARGED.

I want to believe that I am and I must sustain it.

Yes, this one week school holiday have been really fruitful. It’s a very HOLISTIC one.

Firstly, to Kare, my dearest sister who have made all the necessary arrangement for our Sun, Sand, Sea trip to Bintan Lagoon Resort. All I had to do it pay $$ and go…  My mind and body have been well ministered to after more then 10 weeks of drowning myself with Work and work  and more work.

Secondly, thanks to Kristyn, my other lovely sister, who encouraged unceasingly and sponsored my holiday with God at ‘Conversation Experience Retreat (CER)’.  All I need to do it say YES, since it’s during my March holidays, pack and GO. My spirit has been lifted up again and feels even more ready to continue my many little missions for Christ again.

The reason why I’m writing this blog is because I want to force myself to share my life these months with all of you and at the same time, more importantly, reflect even deeper of the happening…

I thought I could do it today as 19^th March is a very significant day to remember and also mourn  over it… anyway… it’s the day I entered Pre-novitiate 2 years ago, and it’s also the day I would have officially enter into novitiate (today). However, I am again being distracted by work  and I couldn’t give myself more silence to go into deeper reflection… sigh… will have to try again tomorrow…

Ok.. nights….

Fishing!! Whose fishing whom?

Fishing requires lots of patient.... yeah....

BUT Fishing at Hai Bin Prawning ＠Punggol requires not only patient but also feelings and guts... Feelings to feel the catch... guts to use your hands to catch the struggling fish out of the pond. And I did it this time, all by myself!!!  :) (well... not that big one)

ermm... what mission is this?? what have I learnt? Any message?........... I wonder!!!

Importantly, I know it's a beautiful family activity and a wonderful time spent with my brother at the pond. Well... it too can be boring if we choose to look at it as purely waiting and waiting and no catch.

Therefore Advent as we know is about being patient, waiting and hoping for a catch....

How about turning it over... God is waiting and patiently catching us who are struggling like the fish until we are willing to let go and surrender totally to the catcher.

oh my.. that's too difficult... easier said than done...

Happy New Year!

A new start. a new beginning, a new catch, a new mission and a new liturgical year

It's Over..... for now

Dear friends, just a quck note....... thank you for all your support throughout my journey...

I have completed my mission.... and will be proceeding to next very soon.

I have left with no choice, no options, no hope.... but... definitely God is my only hope... and with the continuous support, I believe I will find my way soon...

Love....

My last chance Lord.... Thy Will be Done.

It’s about 1 year 7 months since my entry to Pre-novitiate.

It’s really Woh… that’s how long I have left home. But thank God for many blessings along the way that I was still able to be with my family. 

2011, hasn’t been a smooth year, many things had happened. Within my family and my formation journey. It’s really overwhelming… well then again… WHO’s journey is smooth right!! 

What’s threatening is that have come to point of the journey that I will be evaluated by the end of the year. My fate whether it’s God’s will for me in Religious Life and to enter into the novitiate or maybe it’s better that I go HOME.

I really don’t know how I should share with you what’s going on in my journey. It’s so mysterious, it’s so complicated. Did I create this? Or it is meant to be like that. Only God knows. All I want is a fair and just judgment at the end of the year. 

Then again.. who is to judge one’s calling? So ultimately is ME right! I hope so. Well, maybe its still religious life, maybe it’s just the wrong congregation… well maybe it’s not for me, maybe it’s the weakness of the institute. Maybe I’m called to elsewhere… ya WHERE!! 

Sometimes I see challenges as growth and blessings.. well maybe challenges experienced now will strengthen me in future… but too many challenges might also be a sign to GO… 

There must be something more…. Only Fools like me and many others will pack and leave the comfort of the world, family and friends for a life so mysterious..

Anyway… is it totally my discernment ERROR, my weakness, my flaws? Can it be the institute ERROR? Can it be the ERROR of another sister? Can it be GOD?

Ya… I guess only God knows… sigh…

But as what I stated above, I'm given the chance and I’m giving myself the last chance to persevere on. God gave a special person, I am sent to a special person who will look at things from external with the interest of me. A third partly who will help me to re-look at my vocation discernment. 

Well, isn’t that strange, I requested for someone to help with my inner-works but end up having to re-discern my vocation… well it’s good to lah… Ultimately, I want to be happy and I want to know what went WRONG!!

Ok… anyway anyway anyway…. Please pray for me and for this SPECIAL person and for FMM…. That whatever happens it’s GOD’S will and not HUMAN will.

House of Stories

18 August 2011, was the day I celebrated all my sweat, tears and joys together with my companions on the journey (a lay Catholic and a Buddhist student).

This 10 weeks journey is the highlight of my Pre-novitiate formation so far. It sums up all that I have been working on towards my growth and put them into practice, and even more. In short, this is an ALL-in-ONE programme.

I never ever thought that I would involve myself in a hospital settings and I really like it very much. The hospital is indeed a ‘House of Stories’, which is the theme of my graduation. In there, there are many lives and each has a unique story. Please allow me to share 3 stories with you.

A diabetic, Buddhist patient who had an infected leg due of a fall. Her treatment was being delayed by another hospital and she decided to ‘run away’ to Assunta Hospital. She was crying in pain and frightened of amputation. She remembered that Mother Mary had help her when she was a poor child and cried to Mother Mary. Thank God, the doctors are able to save her leg. 

A patient, who loves drawing, never tried drawing human portrait because it’s too painful. It will remind him of the death of both his wife and his 15 yr old daughter. He was being challenged to draw. Will this help him to let go of his pain? I don’t know. Nevertheless, he did it, even though he wasn’t satisfied with his drawing.

There’s another sick patient, those life has been transformed & enriched by many in the hospital and her ‘house’ where she lives. She’s a person with very low self-esteem & confidence. Such a person can hardly love herself and others, and carries a lot of baggage. She’s now a freer person and more confident person sim ply because her patient’s stories are hers, their pains are also hers and their search for meaning in life is also hers. When she minister to them, they ministered back to her.

This is a house of transformation. Like it or not, anyone who enters this house, gets their lives transformed. Some found their faith back, many through the expertise of the doctors and nurses found their health back. Many watched their love ones suffer in pain and began to question about life. Some found a new way of living, others departe d. As long as there are some contact with the patients here, life can never be the same.

During my 10 weeks journey here, I have witnessed many lives being transformed. This is a Hospital for the sick and we are all sick people in some ways.

On the move again!

Angeline is PACKING again!!
This is my 3rd BIG packing since February 2010.

Actually, this time not so bad, just going away for about 10 weeks not shifting yet, but I felt that it’s a pretty long time and it’s better to pack away the other stuff which I’m not bringing.

The consolation is that it’s something I’m looking forward to as I needed something more substantial and stable for my growth and discernment. Ya! I’m finally leaving for Petaling Jaya, Malaysia not for purely Medical Check AGAIN like the last time but for my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) course at Assunta Hospital. Also yes, another medical follow up as well, hopefully all cleared, miracles to happen right!!

Have been 2 months since I shifted to Tampines. Time flies, even though it’s challenging here, I had nice experiences too… didn’t share with you in my last post.

I have been attending Qi Gong classes conducted by Fr. Edward at Church of the Holy Trinity since my arrival and it’s relaxing, fun and healthy. I enjoyed dancing around with the steps but it’s very hard to remember them all.

Also, I have attended Mandarin Mass twice, and would be the thrice this Sunday. Well, I still can’t really understand and response but it’s beautiful ‘Qing Chong’. What attracted me most is the Chinese community spirit. What I questioned is about the continuity of the younger generation. Anyway, I never expect myself to be attracted to Mandarin Mass as my Mandarin is horrible to the extend that my Chinese Teacher was so angry that she walked out of the classroom because I could start to write a word for my composition.. that’s how bad…

Wisdom: these words came to me when I was writing this blog… I wonder…..

“When there’s packing means there’s unpacking too.”

Happy Easter!

Woh! really long time never update my blog… am I that busy? Perhaps Yes!! Busy sorting up my mysterious health and formation journey.

Anyway!!!.. Happy Easter to all of you. May the Risen Lord light up your path into a deeper relationship with Him.

How interesting life can be? How mysterious God is working in my life! It’s all unexplainable.

After spending about 4 months at Maris Stella Convent, the sisters finally decided to move me to a newly formed pre-novitiate house at Tampines. I arrived at Trinity community on 25th March 2010, Feast of Annunciation. It’s again a hard change. From a big community where I have less responsibilities and work, to a small community with more work and sessions. I feel that it’s not so much of shifting house but the whole mess or rather the whole mystery in my formation programme which I don’t know how to explain. At one side, I pity myself for having such as weird journey, on the other hand, I thank God for the many experiences.

It’s has been 1 year since I enter in March 2011. Time just flies but this stage of formation is taking too LONG!!! Again THINK POSITIVE!!! It’s good, I should learn to enjoy while I still can… BUT it’s WASTING of TIME!!! It’s not! God sends me different challenges to strengthen my faith, vocation and whole being. BUT it’s too TOUGH!! Well… if I can’t even ‘tahan’ this, in future it might be even worst.

Anyway, I’m 1 month here already, 1 month more to go before I visit Malaysia again for my doctor’s appointment and to attend the Clinical Pastoral Education programme. I’m looking forward to the course yet worried for my medical checks.

One of my new programme here enables me to have a entirely new experience of ministering to a Catholic school (Hai Sing Catholic School). It’s my first time getting involved in school ministry as I never attended any convent schools back then. Although, I goes to the school only once a week during their Catholic fellowship programme, it helps me to understand more about the new generations Catholic youths. They are lovable, innocent and full of energy.

This Easter, I also get to have a new experience at Holy Trinity Church. It’s the first time I get to witness immersion baptism. It’s very beautiful and symbolical too. If I’m still back at Kuala Terengganu, Easter celebration would probably be very very simple without baptism. It’s I’m still back at IHM.. hee hee… ai yo… lagi cannot compare lah… anyway, I’m really grateful for what I have here.

Also, another blessing here I think is the opportunity to experience room sharing for 2 weeks before my room mate left for Malaysia for her renewal programme. Well, she’s a healthy elderly sister. Although, I don’t get much privacy and personal space in the comfort of my own room, I learnt to care for her, be sensitive to her needs and bear with all inconveniences. Also, sometimes it’s really nice to have a room mate to chat with before bed time. Now, that she’s away, I get the room to myself, it’s also a blessing, YEAH!

Ok.. so to end this sharing… really!.. I felt that my whole formation is so mysterious just as God is also so mysterious. I believe that if we are able to allow God to work in us mysteriously, ultimately, we are the one who will GAIN… we have no LOST. The problem is… Are we able to allow God to work in us in such a way? Am I able to allow HIM?

Is there really a need for miracle?

Lord, please heal me completely. I believe and trust that you can perform miracle, you will heal me completely. 

This is the prayer I kept praying ending with ‘if not maintain the condition”. Such little faith I have right? Surely, I’m looking for a miracle lah!!

After seeing Dr. Tan, a Nephrologist and a Methodist, I’m really happy that my Cholesterol and Sugar are Good but there’s still protein leakage. However, Dr. Tan feels that it’s a mild case and it’s not rare. There’s no cure or treatment for the inflammation in my kidney. Medication might do more harm then good. 

So anyway, that’s my cross to carry. What hits me was Dr. Tan’s reply to my words. He told me that I may not die with a kidney problem but maybe something else and he will not be able to see the end of the episode. 

So I said, he will see it being completely healed. And he replied, is it really necessary? Even the blind man touched people’s lives. He believes that I still can make a difference to many other lives too even with my little problem. It’s so true! Do I really need a miracle? Or am I seeking for a miracle just to prove God’s healing power and for his affirmation?

Thinking further, it’s because of this problem that I’m learning more about my own health and taking better care God’s Temple. It’s also because of this that my faith and Religious Life formation has been challenged and strengthened. 

The whole process and journey of discovering this cross which affects my Religious Life formation is more important than a complete healing. Moreover, if I have a perfect health, will I still have such an experiential journey? Will I ever learn and treasure my own body?

I thank God that my condition isn’t that serious. Indeed God is still there for me. Duh! Always will be with all of us. And everything that happens, definitely has got a purpose and a reason. That’s God’s PLAN. 

So, dear friends… thank you for all your prayers. 

And… yes.. I have arrived safely at Petaling Jaya and looking forward to the start of my course the following week. Another NEW experience!!!

God’s challenging me! It is a sign?

Some says I’m on “Holiday”. I say…. WHAT HOLDIAY!!! The feeling of this so called “holiday” is worst than not having a holiday.

It has been more than 2 months since I arrived back in Maris Stella Convent, Singapore. Finally my “waiting” is over. Managed to go to Petaling Jaya, Malaysia for my medical check at Assunta Hospital and finally, the provincial councilor met and decided how they should DEAL with me. However, is my “waiting” over?? NO!!!

Well, God is really challenging me. My medical is a problem yet not a big problem. It’s uncertain. It also depends on how I take good care of myself. But it’s beyond my control. It doesn’t affect me physical yet but it may get worst. No one knows. Only God. And ONLY God can heal me. Sigh!! What’s going on?

Yes! It’s more “WAITING”. I suddenly asked myself. Am I wasting time? Is God really trying to tell me that I’m not called to this way of life? Is God purely challenging me? Why my journey is always longer or more disturbed than others? I started my discernment journey way back 6 years ago and those who started after me have already gone ahead of me. Even my peer had moved on to another stage before me.

Signs have shown that the God always use me to prepare the way for others, but how about ME? My job DONE? Maybe the 1st shall be last… that’s at least some consolation and hope.

Well, I wouldn’t say that this “holiday” was totally a waste of time. It’s really how I look at it too. It’s because I’m here that I experience what is really CONVENT life. It’s only in big community that the experience is fuller. The celebrations, feasts, traditions are more observed here. Of course community life is even more challenging. Although I do not have any specific responsibilities or work, that’s where I get to hang around, observe and get involve in a truly CONVENT life. Imagine staying the house for 24 hours, 7 days a week.

I’m also very blessed that it’s here that I can pick up more skills in sewing and crochet during my free time. It’s here that I renew my prayer life, get to pray faithfully everyday and even having the privilege of personal prayer guidance by the provincial . It’s also here that I learn to live in big community.

Also, it’s this time that I discover more about my medical conditions that makes me more aware of the importance of taking care of this temple of God. Some things are controllable, especially DIET…

But it’s also here that I felt so insecure and lost.

Well.. it’s here that I get to be with my family during Christmas and Lunar New Year. How blessed!

So, what is God really trying to tell me? To carry on preserving, take a step at a time, just move on and have trust and faith with God and the institute. OR Angie, you are just not fit enough and it’s not your vocation…GO… stop wasting time… the result will still be the same after your ‘probation’ period.

However, the urge to just continue moving is also very strong. I have faith that God will heal me. He’s just creating a very special and memorable journey for me so that my vocation will be stronger.

Well, I hope I’m just moving on not because I DON’T KNOW what to do. That I’m afraid of going back to the lay life and start all over the process of WHAT SHALL I DO NEXT? Study or work? WHAT??

Please my dear brothers and sisters. Keep me in your prayers when you remember. That I will only do what God wants and that I would be able to listen clearly to His prompting. That God will heal me if that’s His will.

My CNY Reunion Lunch

This year's reunion lunch for my family... it's really a REUNION! Thank God that i'm back in Singapore and was allowed to spend a day with my family.

We almost didn't get to go for this meal because before my brother's car couldn't start and was really late in picking me up. Then we had to go to the mechanic to change the battery. Anyway... we still managed.

So.... We went to Resort World, Sentosa. Not that I really want to recommend this restaurant.. because it's EXPENSIVE, but more so of sharing my joy with all of you.

We ate at Fung Shui Inn Restaurant. We had Gourupa fish, asparagus with scallop, soup, Lobster salad, crab meat with Huang Di Miao and roasted chicken. As usual, my brother only remembered to take the photos after we started the meal. What's new... As for the taste, it's so so lah. The ambience was cozy and quiet. It indeed recreated a beautiful atmosphere our our reunion lunch. And, more importantly, my nephew Jevin has got enough space to walk about and crawl under chairs  to entertain himself without us worrying that plates and bowls falling over him.

After our meal, we walked around the Resort World. the place was really huge. It was really a wonderful family outing just walking around and visiting boutiques which it's too ridicules to buy anything from them. Then we ended up at Toast Box which is more affordable for tea before heading back home.  

I'm just so happy to be with my family an of course Jevin, my nephew is the central attention and the joy giver that brings my whole family together. It's just so wonderful..

Into the 3rd week of Advent

My sisters and brothers, how’s your ADVENTure so far. Since we have reach the 3rd week of advent, we need to pause a moment to examine our journey. 

It has been 2 weeks since I’m back and YES, I’m still waiting. Waiting to find out what’s wrong with my health (do not worry, I’m ok, just that the institute wants a better medical report rather than the one I submitted earlier on) and also what is the next move since I cannot continue my formation in KT. Waiting is really no fun creating lots of emotional tension especially if my medical report FAILS…. I may be ask to LEAVE. Maybe the Lord just wants me to be back and continue the journey here. Anyway, these 2 weeks, I have learned to wait with joy by living day by day.

What gave me consolation was by looking back to my previous “Advent” experiences. Realising that every year since I started my discernment journey, there was extreme waiting. Woh! 6 Advents prior to this year it had been always “What am I to do next?” - or waiting for some form of acceptance be it job application or religious life.

Remembering in 2007, it was waiting to be accepted back to Maris Stella Kindergarten or to Catholic Kindergarten as a music teacher. In 2008, I was waiting to speak about my desire to enter but only to be summoned for a 6 month stay. In 2009, it’s waiting to enter. That’s how God works in my life as far as I can see… Although I still do not know why is it like that, but it does give me some joy to know that our God is so humorous.

How about YOU? Are there such trends in your life? Well, it doesn’t need to be during Advent… it can be any time.

Time to Go!

Like any fetus in their mother’s womb, I too, in the secured place of Kuala Terengganu, must be delivered out after 9 months, Yes, it’s time for me to return to Singapore, back to the REAL world.

I’m being sent back to Singapore for various reasons. However, more importantly, I also felt that the Lord have given me a great 9 months stay in Malaysia and now that I felt so secured, it’s time for me to move.

Again, it’s a mixed feeling. On one hand, I’m happy to return back to Singapore, but on the other hand, I’m super anxious. Being in a formation house plus in KT, gave me a sense of security. It’s very peaceful in the house compared to the outside world. I’m given opportunities to learn and make mistakes. I worked on my own pace too. We spend at least 2 hours per day praying together. In conclusion, I’m well taken care of and it’s a safe haven for me.

So, what am I worried and anxious about? Of course questions like, where I am going next? What will I be doing? Who will be journeying with me? I’m also afraid of being back into the fast pace world, will I be able to cope with it?

Moving also means changing. Once again I have to settle into another community lifestyle and re-organise my daily routine and prayer life. Nobody likes change, but change is good. Yes, I’m sure by going through all these, the Lord is preparing me for my missionary adventure.

Ha ha, to add-on to all the above, I still have to deal with other questions like, Am I sure that I want to live this way of life forever? Will I be able to cope with all my emotional stress? Will I be able to live a life of aloneness rooted in Christ only?

Any..anyway… It doesn’t matter anymore… I have committed myself to this way of life and That’s ALL… doesn’t matter where I’m going next, doesn’t matter if I have 101 questions to think about… as long as I’m still feel happy, still having the desire to move on, I have to put on my thick skin and persevere on until the Lord says “GET OUT”.

I’m Coming Back!!!

What lies in front of me…. I don’t know… only God knows…

I only know that it’s going to be a bed of roses… with thorns… yes with thorns.. it’s not going to be easy, but it’s definitely beautiful.

My Birthday

The celebration began this morning at prayer. Sr. Kristyn together with the other sisters prepared the liturgy for my birthday and how nice was it to be on the Feast of St Matthew. How blessed to be born on the Feast of St Matthew. The mass readings were so beautiful. It tells of how I am to live my life, my vocation and what I am called to. And we end the prayer with the hymn “In His time”, one of my favourite hymn that always makes me cry.

As usual after prayer, we had our birthday and the sisters sang the birthday song and gave me a blessing. Just as I was spreading my bread, one of the teacher from the Kindergarten (KG) came to our house and told me someone was looking for me. So I went out to the school’s carpark and a Malay woman was standing there… telling myself, I don’t know her leh… then she ask me if I’m Angie. I said Yes and she say she has something for me.

So she went to the car and took out a bouquet of flowers and I was in total shockness to see the card. It’s from Fr. Aloysius, Dominic and Karen… all the way from Singapore… Oh my goodness!!!!! Then followed by the big cake. I was overjoyed… I walked back to the house, open the door and told the sisters, “I’ve got present from Singapore”. When I went to the table, I couldn’t even say a word… run to go dry my tears and nose… so embarrassing. I cut the cake together with the sisters and all of us enjoyed the cake. It’s so superb. Not too sweet, not too rich, very nice cheese cake. I also shared the cake with another 14 teachers and there’s still some more in the fridge. What a big cake!!!

Also, I receives some greeting cards all the way from Singapore. Yes, one was from the community at Kovan which I stayed 6 month last year. I’m also very surprise and filled with joy as I opened the card.

It’s really so unexpected. I already lost count of how much blessings I have received. I’m like the LUCKIEST woman on earth!!! I greatly thank the Lord for giving me good friends, friends that supports my vocation and friends that are interested in my life. What else can I ask for??

After my lesson in the house, I put my hand in with Sr. Mary Ng to bake my birthday coconut pie. Well, of course she did most of the work, but I really enjoyed, it’s a long time since I bake. Oh ya, how can I forget, I too receive another small cake from my “Uncle” here. How blessed to have 3 cakes for my 1st birthday celebration in the convent. Well probably to prepare me for days where I might get NONE! Sr. Mary cooks fried bee hoon with PRAWNS and fried Lekor. It’s simple and nice.

Then, in the evening, the celebration continues with dinner at SAUJANA restaurant.

Come to think about it, there’s more celebration here then at home... maybe I will only experience such big celebration during my pre-novice formation... not sure in future... so better enjoy every moment now.

Oh my mum called too about 9.15pm... She sounds good. I think she’s taking it better then me. Why am I worrying! God will take care of her...

My Birthday Vigil

Tomorrow’s my birthday. I’m feeling excited cause it’s a very special day. It’s the day I’m bought to the world 28 years ago, the day I began my missionary duty on earth. My first assignment was to bring life to my parents and my elder brother. I hoped I did fulfill it… I’m sure, thank God that I was a joy to my family. As there are many out there who are struggling for acceptance, coping with rejections.

For the past few years, if I did not remember wrongly, eversince I spoke to mum about my vocation, I would pretend to sleep before 12midnight to wait for mum to come into my room to give me my first birthday kiss. Then I will sleep soundly. This year, it’s an entire different experience. Mum not with me, no need to pretend to sleep, no midnight kisses…… I suppose I just have to try to go to bed, knowing that God is with me.

I’m feeling worried because I’m wondering how mum will be feeling tonight and tomorrow. If I can cry just by thinking of what usually happens on this day, mum would also feel the same. She must be missing me! She must be telling herself that she is not beside me on this special day to celebrate with me. I’m very worried for her, but I can’t do anything. I can only pray that she will take it calmly with support from my family.

On the happy side, I’m grateful that I’m not celebrating my birthday on my own. God has given me a community of sisters here at Kuala Terengganu to celebrate this special gift of life. My 28th Birthday would be the first celebration away from my blood family but the first in my God-given family.

I always hear people saying that birthday is just another day. I also tried to have that mindset for the past years but deep down I knew it’s not JUST ANOTHER DAY. It’s a SPECIAL DAY.

I never knew this day would mean so much to me. It’s also another great challenge to my vocation. I miss my family so much now that it’s beyond what I can manage. I’m not sure if I am able to handle all these emotions which will pop up now and then before I get a heart attack.

“O God, if this is what you want of me, You have to see me through it. “

Part 2... coming soon....................

1st Ramadan and Hari Raya experience in Kuala Terenggnu, Malaysia

Ha ha, WAIT! Don’t get mistaken! I am not so holy as to fast for 30 days with our Muslim brothers and sisters. Here, I would like to share with all of you my first Ramadan experience in Malaysia. 

The spirit of the Ramadan month here in KT was high. In KT, I would feel the spirit of unity. They used fireworks as the tool to welcome the start of Ramadan. On the eve, there were 7 shots of the fireworks shooting up into the sky to tell everyone that Ramadan would be starting the next day. Every morning about 5.30am (varies daily), there would be 2 shots of the fireworks. One to tell everyone to get ready to stop eating, and the other in a 5 minute interval to tell people to start fasting. And in the evening, there would be one shot for Buka Kuasah. 

Since the beginning of Ramadan, I could hear people playing with firecrackers. Although, it’s banned in Malaysia, still people are playing it opening. It’s ???? how they get them? What sadden me most, when I read about children/teenagers getting hurt, blinded or losing their lives by the firecrackers. Theses people in the end either have to celebrate their Raya in the hospital or in solemn.

Raya is also a time where many Muslims will Balik Kampong. It’s a time for reunion and seeking forgiveness. I had an opportunity to watch a programme on Asian Food Channel about Ramadan in Malaysia and Singapore. I was really touched by the whole spirit of fasting and Raya. It’s a very beautiful religion if well practiced. I even felt little ashamed with myself for making so little sacrifice for the redemption of my sinfulness.

On Raya day, 10 September, we went to the Hari Ray Aidilfitri Open House at Menteri Besart’s house (chief minister house). It was a great experience for me. The atmosphere there was very joyous. There were not only thousands of Muslims, but also the Chinese, the Indians and even foreigners. There was a long queue to wish the minister and children gets a “green packet” from the minister. Afterwhich, they proceed for a lunch reception. Everyone there gets to eat. Of course there were people like myself going there going there just to eat and experience the festive season. So… of course head straight for the food lah… !!! It was the generosity of the minister that draws the crowd, however, in such occasion, we always see the ugly side of things… what I meant was food wastage, grabbing and greediness. 

In the afternoon, we visited one of the house in Batu Rakki. It’s the house of our kindergarten’s uniform tailor. He’s deaf and dumb. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see him as he went back to the kampong. But we got to speak to some of his children. It was experiential for me to step into a ‘modern’ low-cost Muslim’s house. They have all the necessities, but I could still feel that it’s a very old house. I don’t think I can leave in it. During the time spent with the family, I was not deaf but dumb. I could not make any conversation because I couldn’t speak Bahasa. So, all I could do was to try to figure out what they are saying by their actions and the little Bahasa I know. 

I have yet to experience the real real Kampong life yet. I hope I would have the opportunity one day.

User-friendly

Where can you find these words? Everywhere. We can find them on product labels, advertisements and from our mouth. We always hear about the product being advertised as convenient and user-friendly. We too talk about handicapped-friendly, they too, are part of users of products, roads, etc.. Surely, I would definitely buy a product or go to a place where it’s easy to use, easy to access and importantly save time.  

However, if we look at the other side, what have it transform us into? Here are some of my reflections.

1. I become lazier when things are so easily used and available.
2. I complaint more and blame others when things are not to my expectation, ready for my use.
3. I become impatient and lessen human interaction because everything is “idiot-proof”, there’s no need for anyone to teach.
4. I become self-centered, I’m concern only about “What’s in it for me? How will it help me? What will I gain from it?”
5. I tend to give up easily when it’s too difficult.

What are you thinking now? 

I’m not saying and telling myself to avoid easy tasks because God too is a very ‘user-friendly’ God. We can access and call upon him anytime. He is always so flexible and never goes against our choices. Although, He sometimes can be quite complicated, He never fails to direct us to the best path.

It’s a blessings to have “user-friendly” stuff. What’s important for each one of us is to be aware of how we use it and not abuse such blessings. 

 

 

Fruit of my labour!!!

Can you imagine the joy of harvesting fruits which you have work for it?

This was me!! When I went to harvest the 1st bunch of Jambus, I could feel the joy and I was smiling to myself. It’s so satisfying. I finally understand why people like gardening.

Err.. in case you think I planted the tree… no lah.. I only wrapped the flower after it flowered and watch it everyday.. hee hee. Packing prevents fruit flies from attacking it.

How about my Dragon fruit growing?? Ha ha, only 3 shrubs (is that what’s it’s called??) surviving one out of many many seeds I planted. So I started another pot last Friday, just in case!

So, what can I learn from this??

Some fruits are almost instant because the seeds have been planted and fertilised by others, or even for generations.

My JOB here on earth is to continue to plant seeds and fertilise other seeds until it bears fruit. I do not choose which seed to plant but all that I can find because in the end only some might grow. Planting also require faithfulness. I must be consistent in watering and nurturing them. I have the tendency to start, get excited, then abandon it and move to a new pot or even worse, move to a new hobby.

Let’s see how long I can last! Hee hee. So what's your Job here??

Also, I had a real experience of what it meant by “to be rooted in Christ”. One of the evening, it was raining so heavily. I only remembered my Dragon Fruit pot much later. The next day, thank goodness, the 3 shrubs were still there but they were not in their original position. We I put one out to check if it’s died, I saw only one short root, and so that’s the reason why they cannot withstand storm. So I have to start growing long roots.. ha ha…

Here's a picture of a Dragon Fruit flower bud. Hopefully it will grow. It's so beautiful. If you are interested, maybe i will take another picture when the bud gets bigger... NO!!... it's not what i planted. This plant probably is older then me.

1st planting at St Theresa Convent

Yesterday, I planted my first fruit plant. The only plant, not sure it’s even call a plant, probably it’s just called spouting of green beans. Ha ha. Can you guess what I am planting?

Duh, of course can’t lah! It’s Dragon Fruit. With the help of one of the sisters, I prepared the soil and took a some dragon fruit seed with I kept from dinner the night before. I sprinkle the seeds around and was told to water it everyday. We have a few dragon fruit cactus here. We have both the red and the white ones. So far, we harvested 3 fruits. There are some more buds, hopefully it will flower. Sounds interesting right??

I always wonder why the sisters are so interested in garden under the hot sun. Forever digging, changing pots, watering, pulling here and there. It took me almost 4 months to understand a little more about the garden after questioning them and seeing results with my own eyes. I’m in love with the flowing process, especially cactus flowers that have only a one night life span. They will open and the next morning die. Realised it’s the same as for passion fruit flowers. And the excitement and fulfillment of seeing the plan flowering and becoming fruit is so wonderful. So, I decided to start small and slow, just to help myself appreciate nature a little more.

So the night before, my community cut open the 3rd dragon fruit and we shared. I asked if dragon fruit and be grown using the many seeds on the fruit. The sisters say yes, and I ask if I can try. My sister superior said, cccaaaaannnnn… I was so happy and I cut of a little from my share to keep for planting.

You know my dear friends, what is so special of these fruits is that they are constantly thinking of reproduction and they provide abundance of opportunities for germination. Take for example even before the bananas are ripen on the tree, 1-2 more anaks will be going. And just see the amount of seeds in the papaya, watermelon ….. imagine if every seed becomes a plant………..

And lastly, nature is really so much controlled by God. Some bear fruits, some just don’t even it’s well cared for.