IHM Youth Mission Trip to Tanjung Balai Karimun

5-8 June 2006


“The computer screens were blurred and yet they can see, but we can’t see”

This phrase stuck me eversince I realized how blurred were their computer screens at school. But why they could see and I couldn't?

It struck me that many times, God probably showed me the path I should walk, the things I should see/experience and the things I should do but my screens were blurred. Perhaps all I needed to have is a child-like faith to be able to see images on my screen clearly.

I truly thank God for giving me the opportunity and courage to go for this trip.

Overall, I felt that the trip was fun, relaxing filled with experiences. Although, this mission trip did not have any big impact on me (probably because I went for similar trip before), but it did meet my objectives of going for this trip and even more.

I remembered that my initial objective of going was to test whether how well I am able to blend with the youth. There’s two “groups” of youths. One group is the “more happening” kind… the other is the “quieter” ones. I realized that I don’t have big problem communicating with the “quieter” ones because it’s fits more to my character.

I think I was able to meet my objectives because of God’s strength and reminders given to me. As I signed up for this trip as an individual, I don’t have any clicks, many times, I do felt a little lonely. Therefore, I tend to approach the “older” group people as I would feel more comfortable with them. But constant reminders appeared that I have to try to reach out to the younger ones. Sometimes I am able, sometimes I can’t.

A brief itinerary

1st day: Played Captain’s ball, night stations of the cross and mass
2nd day: Taught powerpoint at St Emmanuel School, visited St Anthony’s Christian Community with mass and Singapore Fellowship Night
3rd day: Taught powerpoint at St Emmanuel School, visited St Thomas’s Christian Community with mass and Indonesian Fellowship Night
4th day: Final mass with the St Emmanuel School’s students and teachers.

Ministry work at St Emmanuel High School

It could be quite disappointing to know that I had to stay at St Emmanuel School instead of going St Joseph where the main work were being done.

However, God’s plan is always greater. He knows best of what I needed to experience. It’s because of the teaching at St Emmanuel that the students were able to recognize me during the Indonesia night and the final mass. It was because I taught there that helps me see the difference in the students from the two schools. It was because I was put in-charge of the teaching at St Emmanuel school that I am able to work with 6 other girls who were the youngest in the group. It was because I taught there that they remained in my heart till today.

My group taught them how to use the powerpoint software. Thank goodness most of the students were able to understand simple English. I was doing the lead teaching while the other girls were attached to the work stations. I wouldn’t say that I did a very good job as a teacher but I knew that I tried my best and allowed the Holy Spirit to lead.

The teachers there were also very supportive. Although not all the teachers could understand English, they stayed in the computer room with their students to give them support.

What amazed me most were the computer screens. Most of the screens were very blur. However, the students could see but we can’t. Example, when ask them to go to “insert”, they could see but we can’t.

After completing 2 sessions of our ministry work, I sat down with the girls for a short debrief session. Here are some of the feedback given.

How we felt in general?
– Satisfied
– Luckily because some things we teach them, we learned them in Primary 2
– Computer screens were blurred… however if we give them a perfect one, they probably would not be use to it.

How we felt when there’s a language barrier?
– Frustrated
– Happy to see them eager to learn

What have we learnt?
– Patience and explain slowly. Explain simply, don’t need to think so complex all the time.
– Have pick up some Bahasa Indonesia words
– Not to take things for granted
– Money cannot buy happiness
– Simple lifestyle


What have I discovered?

I discovered that I enjoyed working with the less fortunate students. Probably, it’s my calling to serve the less fortunate people. I can relate well with them. I could see Jesus in all of them……. I want to give God’s love to them with simple actions such as patting their shoulders, tapping their heads, shaking their hands and even hugging them. The smiles on their eyes touched me.

o The difference between St Joseph and St Emmanuel School

St Joseph School is more for the wealthier students as their school fees are higher, while St Emmanuel School takes in students of lower income household.
When I was at St Joseph School earlier in February this year, the children (primary) there were very rowdy, they would push and pull you in order to get your attention. And also hearing from some friends teaching there that it’s very hard to get the students attention there and some of them simply didn’t want to hear them. Some class even need our guys and people who can speak Indonesian to get their attention especially the older ones.

However, at St Emmanuel High School (Age 13-16), we had no problem capturing their attention. They were very humble people and very keen to learn. Even after class, during the Indonesia night and final mass, they would come to us calling us sister sister….. the younger ones would stand around quietly, waiting for you to shake their hands… when I give them touch on their heads and hug them, they were so happy…. I could see it from their eyes and expressions.

o The humble teachers

The teachers at St Emmanuel School were very humble. Most of the teachers there can either speak little or no English. The students there will always help to translate what I wanted to tell the teacher. When the teacher tries to speak the little English they know, the students will laugh at them. To me, when I see the students laughing at the teacher and the teacher laughing at herself, I felt two things. Firstly, it’s the close student-teacher relationship and secondly, the humbleness of the teacher. I can’t imagine how the teacher would feel when their students were better and have to correct and teach the teachers instead.

o Being with the youth

I realized that when they are out of the “home area”, they like freedom. They won’t like people to nag at them. It’s their chance to do things that they like.

Parish Renewal Experience 03

18-21 May 2006


Finally, have completed PRE 03. It was really a very good experience. I see God truly present, working through the Holy Spirit in many of the participants as well as myself and using me as an instrument.

PRE 03, I have taken another new role. I’m a Facilitator, Presenter and Singer. It was an enlightening experience.

Every PRE is different. This time, as a facilitator was even more different. Plus, with my friend’s participation in PRE, it was even more different. Her presence and conversion really touched me. Especially, the process of her signing up for PRE was truly God’s intervention. Her testimony given on the last night truly affirmed me that there’s really God and the Holy Spirit is truly presence in my life. So what did she said?

She roughly said…, 10 years ago when I was in Sec 1, I know this girl… I brought her to church… she joined the choir with me… but late I left.. but she continued… soon she got baptized… During my poly days, I strayed away from church…. And Now… 10 years later, she was the one who brought me back to church. We went for a Tanjung Balai briefing and Father brought the wrong form… He brought the PRE form instead of the Tanjung Balai form. So she took the form and gave it to me saying PRE PRE… sign up.. !!!

God is really amazing.. His works is really great.

Facilitation

Still remembered that I had to pray and think so long whether to take up the role as facilitator or just help up with music and presenting if needed.

As a Facilitator, I must say, really really, I’m just not a good facilitator. The Lord knows that I would have difficulties conversing, praying, scared, trembling words etc…. Really thank God for the people He placed in my group. And through the power of the Holy Spirit, somehow He would fill my mind with words for conversational purposes.

Sometimes in the small group, I did try to avoid saying opening prayer… straight away start with the sharing… but surprisingly someone in my group would remind me… hee hee… but I did had a constant closing prayer after every session except for the last day…

Thanks to James who started to ask the participants to do the opening prayer instead… I felt it was really really effective. The participants were very fast in volunteering to lead. At the last talk, I wanted to start the prayer… so I quieten down myself… but I was a bit slow… one of the participant just started of the prayer…. Woh

I’m glad that there was no difficulties encountered in my group. The members were all very spontaneous in their sharing. They could start off on their own after the first session which I had to start.

I think the ideal size of a group is about 4 + 1

Overall, I think that the programme ran very smoothly. PRE 03 was truly a great experience for me. Maybe it’s because I had taken the role as a facilitator and I get to journey with people and witness conversion with my own eyes.

What’s my greatest accomplishment as a facilitator?

I definitely have accomplished my mission when I see conversions in my group members. Especially having to see them taking the step to go for confessions. Also by having someone who volunteers to say prayers and start the sharing, especially when coming from someone who have never done such things before.

Presenter

My other role was being a presenter…. I must say I have tremendously improved a lot compared to the first time in PRE 02. My goodness… I was so much more stable. My legs trembled much lesser… Really, practice makes perfect and also with the trust and the desire to share my thoughts with the participants, I can overcome all fears.

God sends 2 angels to me in Kajang

24 - 25 February 2006

Trip to Kajang, Malaysia – Sr. Jacqueline Pan's Final Profession to the Franciscan Missionaries of Mary at the Church of Holy Family, Kajang.


On 24th February 2006, after attending vocation pray night at IHM, together with Sr. Balbina and Sr. Anna we made our way to Tanjong Pagar Train Station.

We reached the train station closed 10pm to meet the other sisters. Together, there were 6 other sisters (Sr, Maria Sylvia, Sr. Balbina, Sr. Ann May, Sr. Anna, Sr. Danielle and Sr. Theresa Lee) and myself.
This is my first time having to travel with so many sisters.

At about 11 plus… we all went to bed… I tried to sleep … but it was tough… the train was rocky and also noisy… but at least managed to take a few short naps while tossing and turning, hurdling myself up due to the coldness.

Finally at 4.20am, I decided not to sleep anymore. The whole journey took about 7 hours. We reached Kajang almost 6am.

At Kajang train station, Mendeep, a parishioner of the Church of Holy Family came to pick us up in her MPV car to her house.

Mendeep’s house (2 houses joined into one) has very country cottage design. Mendeep have 4 children (3 guys: Roy, Ray and _____ and I girl: Rachell) Welcoming us into the house was Rajvin, niece of Mendeep. Then we went to the bedroom, left our bags there and freshen ourselves up.

After that, Rajvin served us coffee and milo and bread. We set on the dinning table for breakfast. While eating, Mendeep shared with us her encounter with Jesus. She believes very much in Prayers. And Jesus always answers her prayers.

One of the sisters asked Mendeep about her collection of shoes as there were really many pairs of them exhibiting on the stairway. Mendeep the shared with us that she was once very poor. Had to wear broken shoes to office. Sometimes even had to use staple to fasten up the soles of the shoe. The family barely have enough to survive the month.. sometimes can’t… with prayers and hard work, her husband and her managed to start a constructing business as they figured out that they can’t survive on salary. Only after many years, they managed to reach their current statues. With the grace of God, they also decided to be generous in giving because it’s only in giving, that they receives.

Mendeep also shared with us her vision. She wants a direct flight to Heaven and in order to fly directly to heaven, she will have to purify herself here on earth…. So true I felt..

At about 7.45am, we prepared to go for morning mass at Holy Family Church which starts at 8am. At there, we met up with Sr. Assunta, Sr. Jacqueline, Sr. Adeline….. Mass was celebrated in a small chapel. There were quite many parishioners there. It was a difference experience to have mass there. One thing which the priest mentioned had strucked me…. “PURE HEART”. That was exactly what I needed.

After mass, at the church entrance, the sisters were chatting either among themselves or with other people. I was a bit lost… didn’t know what to do… thank Goodness for 2 angels, Rajvin and Rachell. They were sitting along the side of the ramp. I went to join them there. There, I also made myself cleared to them that I wasn’t a sister… ha ha.. we had some conversation about themselves and their school. The sisters then have to rehearse for the profession mass in the evening. Again I didn’t know what to do… thanks goodness of the 2 angels that kept me company.

We chat about many many things such as their admirers in church, there trip to “Paris” (actually it’s because they took a photo with Paris background). The 2 angels also wants to bring me to a shopping place “MINES” to go “Paris” with them… to take picture using the machine with them… I said ok… but firstly need to know the plans for the day first…

After the rehearsal, the whole group of us went to a Indian eating place for brunch. There, I ate Roti Plata. Then after we went back to the church. The plan was, some sisters had to stay back for more rehearsal and some sisters can go back to the apartment or house to rest. So we went back to Mendeep’s house to rest… and the 2 angels and I decided to go to “MINES”.

At Mendeep’s house, after preparing to leave for “MINES”, Rachell took out her video camera. We kind of try to figure out how to use the comera. After quite some time, we managed to get it started… and then we headed for “MINES”. Auntie Mendeep sent us to “MINES”

On the way, they were thinking of what to wear later… then suddenly, they decided to dress me up in Panjabi suit. They were so excited about it and I agreed. At “MINES”, Auntie went to do her Pedicure while we went to DREAMWORLD to take pictures and went to buy accessories to dress up ourselves.

When I was with them… it really reminds me when I’m 14 years old… I did all they do… the craziness as teenage girls. Rachell and Rajvin have a generous heart too. At their age and compared to my age…we are like 7-10 years apart. But when I wanted to pay for the photo takings, Rachell says no! no!... you come to Malaysia, let us pay for you… I was really touched… thinking… hey, they are only teenage students and I’m a working adult… I have income.. they don’t… and for them to say such things.. I was really really touched.. Eventually, I did contribute some to the photo taking, bought a little handphone bear chain for them and paid for Rachell’s sunglass as she didn’t have smaller note.
Rajvin treated us McDonald’s ice-cream and Rachell treated us chicken sausages. They bought accessories like comb, rubber band and even the nose ring… they insisted that I have to wear them too.. my my… Running around with them from shop to shop… can be really tiring but fun too…

Then we had to leave MINES. On the way, Auntie decided to stop over at her friend’s place for a while… she introduced me to her friend Rita. Rita had two daughters. They were watching American Idol and chatting. I joined in their conversation here and there.. while Rachell and Rita’s daughter were checking their friendsters on the internet.

Finally, we went back to Mendeep’s house to get change while Auntie sends some of the sisters to church first. Rachell lent me her orange Punjabi suite & shoes, and Rajvin pleated my hair, make up for me and fixed the nose ring… they were also joking that… if the sisters see me dressed like that they might not want me in the convent… and Auntie joked that it’s either I would be influence by the girls… and not entering the convent… or I would influence them in to the convent…

Finally, we were done and off we went to church for the profession mass which starts at 6pm. At church, some sisters were shocked with my dressing. The 2 angels also introduce me to some of their friends…

I sat with the 2 Angels with the other youth in the church. Thank goodness for the 2 angels… otherwise I would be so lonely I think…. Thank God for sending the 2 angels into my stay at Kajang.

During the Professional Mass, I was a little distracted.. but I tried to focus… I wondered would I one day be there in Sr. Jaqueline’s place, to give myself completely to God and ready to serve God through His people her on earth. Nothing really came to me… although I teared a little during the ceremony.

After the mass, there was buffet dinner being served. I ate with the 2 angels, run around with them…. went to take pictures… They said we only spend about 14 hours together.. and yet like so close..they will miss me… I told them I would miss them and thank them for all they have given me for the day.

The 2 angels told me… you surely going to be a sister…. and I tell them.. if I enter… I will wait for them to join me..

Really, there’s nothing I can give them… I’m just purely receiving from them and being with them. At about 9 plus, the sisters decided to get change and head for the train station… that was the end of the day at Kanjang… we went to the toilet… get changed, chat a little, have fun, bid farwell and hugs… and off we go.

At the train station, the train was delayed for about 40 minutes.

On the train while trying to sleep, the song “Sarahey Danshinne no” (love you) kept playing in my mind… because during the day, Sr. Balbina and I thought Mendeep and the 2 angels some Korean words such as “Na Ipoh” and “Aun Yong” then the evening we thought the 2 angels “Sarahey Danshinne no” and the song… so the 2 angels were so happy saying and singing to everyone they meet… and it just can’t get off my mind while on the train.

Overall, the trip was really a great trip… though short but really full of God’s presence.. I was glad that I decided to go.

Fact Finding Trip to Tanjung Balai

I MADE it.

All I said was “Lord, if it is your will, let it be done”

I almost couldn’t reach Habour Front in time for the ferry to leave together with the group.

With traffic jams everywhere…. I was so tempted to give up going.

Lord Lord… surely you want my friend and I to go… please Lord help us get there….

But Lord, if it is your Will and your Plan, Be it done to me according to your Will.

And We made it there….. WE FINALLY MADE IT… Thank you Lord…. Thank you…

The whole group.. think about 16 of us… In the ferry, we prayed the rosary. We also went to the upper deck to get fresh air….that would help my friend to avoid getting sea sick… She told me.. she really like the wind blowing at the upper deck… I was really happy that she’s ok…

As we reach Tanjong Balai… I thank God for the smooth journey…

We started off by having mass celebrated by Fr. Brian and Fr. Kenny at St Joseph Church, It was a simple church and it was nice.

Then we proceed to the St Joseph Primary and High School. On the road in from the gate to the school, the road were very uneven and rocky.

The teachers/people there were very hospitable and served us with tea, bread and some kuei kuei. After having breakfast, the committee discussed some stuff with the people their while few of us went out to have fun with the Primary school children.

The children there were quite rough but they seems to have fun playing among themselves. When we started taking photos with our digi cam, they were so amused….and wanted to see the image on the screen…. Then they started to ask us to take more pictures… They even started posing with funny and cute actions.....once the photo have been taken.. they would all rush to me to let them see…

In that way… they were pushing and pulling me… crowding round me…

My my….. I almost couldn’t control them…. but soon I asked them to line up one by one… they kind of listened… and I was glade that I managed it a little better…

And as soon as I run to another place… they would follow and run after me.

It was tiring… but fun…. Seeing them having fun and happy especially by taking their photos, trying to call up their names (becos one of the children suddenly tried to introuduce to me her friends)…. It’s my greatest joy.

Then we proceed to the high school to see the classroom, library and computer room. Some of the members were there trying to find out the standard of the students there through interaction so that they will know roughly what books to get for them.

The computer room has 20 very very old computers which are not working very well.

After that, we proceeded to Emmanuel School and Our Lady of Guadalupe site. That’s also the place where the dormitory. There’s also a convent and the Station of the Cross there. There is a really beautiful Our Lay of Guadalup Grotto, heard that part of it is sponsored by Singaporeans. The Station of the Cross is a life size one along the hill. It's currently undergoing construction and asking people if they would like to donate one of the station.

After that, we proceed for lunch at a seafood Kelong restaurant. On the journey, Pauline asked my friend if she’s coming for the June’s mission trip… Praise the Lord… she said “YES”

Then we left Tanjong Balai at 3pm.

The Weather at Tanjong Balai is really very hot…and glade that the ferry was well air-conditioned.

Overall, this trip, it’s not only a fact finding trip for me…. It’s really a trip that I learned to have more faith in the Lord, to trust the Lord for if it is His Will, Let it be done to me.

This blog might not really descibe why i learned to have more faith because there were many small encounters which are very personal to me. The encounters taught me to really trust the way and allow him to lead. He doesn't do how I thought it would be done.... but he leads me to what He know it's the best way. So Thank God for the gift of awareness... to aware how God is leading me.

Parish Renewal Experience 02

19-22 January 2006

It was truly a great experience…. Not only for the participants … but for myself too.

My role for PRE 02 was to be a presenter and singer in the music ministry.

Of course the most important role I have to play is to renewal myself with my fellow brothers and sisters in the parish as they renew themselves.

I had 3 talks to share in PRE 02. they are

Topic 1,2 & 3 (ha ha.. cannot disclose)

On the 1st day, my 1st sharing was quite terrible. I was so so nervous that my legs couldn’t stop shaking. I was so so nervous that I couldn’t read word for word from my “script” and I become even more nervous. After the sharing, the main feedback that I received was :”How come you have no problem singing alone, but when come to talking you are so nervous” Many people couldn’t believe that I could be so so nervous, they were shocked.

The next morning, Helen (in-charge of the presenters) gave me some pointers… She asked me to stay faithful to what I have written and not to add lip. By not following what I have written, I might stray and make the sharing light unnecessarily.

On the 3rd day, my 2nd sharing was much better. I stayed very faithful with what I have written… I was less nervous.

On the 4th day, my 3rd sharing was even better. I managed to say some additional words in the beginning and at the end cos I felt I needed to say while waiting for my turn. I managed to say it out… although I was still pretty nervous… I stayed faithful to what I have written.. and I think it was the best of the 3 sharings…

After my sharing, many people came to give me a pat on my shoulder, even the participants. They were happy to see my progress and I’m very happy too as I have managed to convey that I felt.

-----------------------------

Over the 4 days, I have learned a lot from both the participants and my own sharings. I’m being motivated by how enthusiastic the participants were. I remembered, one of the participant shared with me that she left being energized even after the Day 1. She says that she only slept like 4 hours and woke up at 5am automatically without any difficulties.

Some were very enthusiastic in signing up to join a ministry.

What touched me was seeing the prayer warriors who chose to support PRE with prayer in the Power House. They must have become super holy people praying unceasingly for all who have involved in PRE 02. I heard that they could recite about 6 rosaries per day. My my….

-----------------------------

PRE 2 have been a great experience for me. Although, I didn’t managed to participate in the group sharings… I felt that I have achieved my role of being there.

I’m quite a “shy” person and quite afraid to approach people and start a conversation… but the Lord gave me the courage to approach the participants, to make new friends, to give encouragement, to hear their little little sharings.

Even in preparation for my sharing, I learned to be more opened. I had to prevent myself from removing shameful words which I wouldn’t like people to know… By just writing my sharing, it helps me want to change myself to be more Christ-like.

I hope by after presenting my sharings to so many people, I would learn to be a more open and more loving person.

Lastly, I thank God for giving me the courage to agree to speak when Fr. Jo approached me. Without hesitation, it was a “YES” (even knowing that i’m never good at it). Never knew that the outcome would be such a great experience for me. I really thank God for everything and especially to my friends for their support and faith in me.