The final meet ups begins

Last evening, I met up with a few friends from the “Mission Awareness Group (MAG)” – a subgroup of ACMA, for a farewell dinner.

MAG was the first mission group I joined since November 2004 after receiving the invitation to offer my life to the Lord (Aug 04) and my journey of search started.

I began to find out what I am called to and was prompted to sign up for a Mission Orientation Programme going to Nong Bua Lamphu and Udon Thani in Thailand, which I had no idea where it was.

To cut the long story short, I began to be active with this group till beginning of 2009 when I did my 6 months stay with the FMM sisters. MAG led me to many new spiritual journey ‘networks’ such as the Catholic Aids Response Effort, St Joseph Home, Darul Arqam Singapore, Brighthill Temple, trip to the mountains in Chiang Dao, Thailand etc… Anyway, I learned a lot about mission and what being a missionary means.

I really enjoyed the time spent with this group of friends who comes from different parishes. What brings us together was our like-mindedness. We walk on a journey of being missionaries, called to evangelise, wherever we are, at home, at work, at church etc... We are able to share and understand our unique spiritual journey and challenges together.

So, last night, we had dinner at Khansama Tandoori Village at Science Park and then proceeded to George’s house and chat till 12 midnight. There were sharings and recollection of the past being together. We realized that we were very privileged to be able to sit down together to share about our lives with God and the world, how challenging to be in the world and yet not of the world. Really!!! How many in this world actually engages in such a deep conversations? Most of the time, we (including myself) talks about the worldly things and ermmm…OTHER people!!!!

So so… that ends my journey with MAG for the moment.

Ah Choo!!!!!

House Packing Starts again...........

it's so dusty in the storeroom, definitely not in my room..

Have been packing, throwing, giving, buying then packing, giving and throwing again for the longest time........

Now, I have to do it seriously..... my mission is to do all I can to prepare my house for my family and my room for Jevin (my baby nephew) to live in happily and peacefully. A place where my things are there but unseen.

I wonder how long will this go on.... erm..... definitely until they day before I depart.

Picture: It's my family taken on 16 December 2009.... nope it's not Jevin's birthday...he will definitely always be the limelight in any birthday celebration.

Is it Pleasure, Power and Avoidance OR LOVE??

I finally gotten down to continue, but still not completed, the programme I in the beginning of the year. Supposed to complete during my 3 days stay @ FMM, Maris Stella Convent with Sr. Assunta Leong, but I was just too “WOLS”. So had to bring back the cassette tapes (YA!!! the superbly old CASSETTE tapes) to complete on my own.

The programme is called “The Fully Alive Experience” by John Powell, S.J. and Loretta Brady. The emphasis of the programme is that we lead partial lives. An average person achieves only 10% of his/her potential: of senses, emotions, mind and heart. Ya.. so… the other 90% we are DEAD to ourselves.

I have done enough work (for now!), to find out what are the distorted visions(perceptions) I have for others and myself that is preventing me from being fully Alive. So, I moved on to the next part which is the vision of life and vision of the world.

What I would like to share here is that many of us seek meaning in life. I too. Questions asked usually are: What am I really seeking in life? What do I really want out of life? What do I really believe life is for? My answer is Happiness/Joy.

The 3 life-principles which dominates in our society which John Powell mentioned kept me pondering.My little reflection about myself on these 3 principles are as follows;

• Pleasure: I do things to seek happiness, fun, satisfaction, love…. all is to fulfill our human desires.
• Power: I seek power because of low-esteem, low confidence and insecurity.
• Avoidance of Responsibility: I don’t take control of our own life. We prefer others to tell us what to do. It’s easier that way. No ownership of self.
  

As usual, I was superbly disguised with myself. No wonder I always take so long to make decisions. Well, no matter how disguised I am with myself, God still loves me.

John Powell then shared another life-principle with Jesus clarifies: LOVE. The basic question to ask is always “What is the loving thing to do? to say? to be? He also says “Choosing the life-principle of love is God’s port of entry into our lives. We are channels. If God’s love can’t flow through us to others, it can’t flow.”

So, what principle am I following? DUH!! Of course LOVE lah!

Love is a decision. It is not just loving others and God. It’s even more important to love thyself.

It’s because I don’t love myself enough that I fall into pleasure, power and avoidance of responsibility.

Mission accomplished @ Catholic Kg

It’s the end of my short 2 years & 2 weeks journey at Catholic Kindergarten as a Music and Movement teacher to more than 700 children.

I refused to be present at assembly this morning for the children to bid their farewell because I knew I would tear. I said a quick farewell to my colleagues and ran off because the longer I stay, the more we talk, the more i would start crying.

The journey started on 1st January 2008, acted very confidently and professionally, standing in front of a crowd of children and their parents, conducting Music and Movement lessons. With God’s graces, guidance and strength, I managed to persevere through 2008. I thought it was ‘THE END’ but I was summoned to another year of SERIOUS discernment which led me to complete another year of service, 2009.

During these 2 years, I have gained lots of confidence in myself. Having to deal and gain trust from parents and my colleagues would not be possible if I don’t present myself confidently. I have also done the most impossible tasks (I thought so!) like leading Sport’s Day exercise and choreograph the Graduation Concert. I dare to say my greatest achievement was being able to foster good and close relationship with all my students.

So… what’s really my mission @ Catholic Kg?

"Missionary activity is nothing other and nothing less than the manifestation or epiphany of God's plan and its fulfillment in the world and in history; in this history God, by means of missions, clearly accomplishes the history of salvation." (Second Vatican Ecumenical Council, Decree on the Missionary Activity of the Church Ad Gentes, 9; cf. Chapter II, 10-18.)

The first form of Evangelisation is Witness (Redemptoris mission, Chapter 5).

So, I’m called to bear WITNESS to the Gospel, to show and bring Christ to others. Well, this is easier said then done. All I could do is to give my best, to be available to all who needs and very importantly to be allowed to be led by the Spirit.

Very often, in trying to be God’s missionary, instead, I’m being ministered. I felt so much love, support and encouragement from all my colleagues. The children in the school taught me values such patience, love, generosity and forgiveness. I felt so ashamed with myself whenever they ministered to me.

So, it’s true….. “For it is in giving that we receive.” (St. Francis of Assisi)

And so….. with great joy and peace, I end my journey at Catholic Kindergarten

……awaiting for my next life journey.

Mission of Openness

What kind of mission is this??
I wondered too!!!

After a week of 2 retreats back to back, this was waht i realised. From 4-6 Jan, i had a retreat with Sr. Assunta Leong on a Programme 'Fully Human Fully Alive experience' by John Powell. Afterwhich, I helped out at the RCIA retreat from 8-10 Jan 2010 at Majodi Centre, Johor.

Through these 2 experiences, i realised that by sharing and being opened at the right itme with the right content is a mission too. No need to do any hard labout work, all i needed to do is to share my life, telling the story of Jesus in my life.

Eversince I decided on my vocation to the religious life, I'm torn between to tell or not to tell people about it. I felt like a hypocrite if i tell and hwat if it's not successful? But, because it's so hard to keep it as a secret, and telling myself what's the point of not telling and lying, i decided to share freely to whoever that shows interest in my life because they care for me.

Initially, it was difficult and it's still difficult. The more I share, the more I doubt if this is what I really want...WAIT...what's there to do with being missionary? What i would like to share here is that whatever i shared about my life, it's a story of Jesus that might inspire others and there would probably be more awareness, transformation or even conversion. Especially when i sahre with non-Christian friends, at least i created a new awareness in them. Maybe...or rather...with faith, there will be someone who have been inspired by my sharing, telling the story of Jesus because of their own conversion and inspire another person and so on... Isn't it a beautiful chain effect?

This is my 1st blog after a long time (last blogged was on Jan 06). Till now it's still a private blog, reason being I didn't want to share too much about my discernment journey plus the fact that i can't write well. I hope one day it will be an open blog.