It’s about 1 year 7 months since my entry to Pre-novitiate.
It’s really Woh… that’s how long I have left home. But thank God for many blessings along the way that I was still able to be with my family.
2011, hasn’t been a smooth year, many things had happened. Within my family and my formation journey. It’s really overwhelming… well then again… WHO’s journey is smooth right!!
What’s threatening is that have come to point of the journey that I will be evaluated by the end of the year. My fate whether it’s God’s will for me in Religious Life and to enter into the novitiate or maybe it’s better that I go HOME.
I really don’t know how I should share with you what’s going on in my journey. It’s so mysterious, it’s so complicated. Did I create this? Or it is meant to be like that. Only God knows. All I want is a fair and just judgment at the end of the year.
Then again.. who is to judge one’s calling? So ultimately is ME right! I hope so. Well, maybe its still religious life, maybe it’s just the wrong congregation… well maybe it’s not for me, maybe it’s the weakness of the institute. Maybe I’m called to elsewhere… ya WHERE!!
Sometimes I see challenges as growth and blessings.. well maybe challenges experienced now will strengthen me in future… but too many challenges might also be a sign to GO…
There must be something more…. Only Fools like me and many others will pack and leave the comfort of the world, family and friends for a life so mysterious..
Anyway… is it totally my discernment ERROR, my weakness, my flaws? Can it be the institute ERROR? Can it be the ERROR of another sister? Can it be GOD?
Ya… I guess only God knows… sigh…
But as what I stated above, I'm given the chance and I’m giving myself the last chance to persevere on. God gave a special person, I am sent to a special person who will look at things from external with the interest of me. A third partly who will help me to re-look at my vocation discernment.
Well, isn’t that strange, I requested for someone to help with my inner-works but end up having to re-discern my vocation… well it’s good to lah… Ultimately, I want to be happy and I want to know what went WRONG!!
Ok… anyway anyway anyway…. Please pray for me and for this SPECIAL person and for FMM…. That whatever happens it’s GOD’S will and not HUMAN will.
