Like any fetus in their mother’s womb, I too, in the secured place of Kuala Terengganu, must be delivered out after 9 months, Yes, it’s time for me to return to Singapore, back to the REAL world.
I’m being sent back to Singapore for various reasons. However, more importantly, I also felt that the Lord have given me a great 9 months stay in Malaysia and now that I felt so secured, it’s time for me to move.
Again, it’s a mixed feeling. On one hand, I’m happy to return back to Singapore, but on the other hand, I’m super anxious. Being in a formation house plus in KT, gave me a sense of security. It’s very peaceful in the house compared to the outside world. I’m given opportunities to learn and make mistakes. I worked on my own pace too. We spend at least 2 hours per day praying together. In conclusion, I’m well taken care of and it’s a safe haven for me.
So, what am I worried and anxious about? Of course questions like, where I am going next? What will I be doing? Who will be journeying with me? I’m also afraid of being back into the fast pace world, will I be able to cope with it?
Moving also means changing. Once again I have to settle into another community lifestyle and re-organise my daily routine and prayer life. Nobody likes change, but change is good. Yes, I’m sure by going through all these, the Lord is preparing me for my missionary adventure.
Ha ha, to add-on to all the above, I still have to deal with other questions like, Am I sure that I want to live this way of life forever? Will I be able to cope with all my emotional stress? Will I be able to live a life of aloneness rooted in Christ only?
Any..anyway… It doesn’t matter anymore… I have committed myself to this way of life and That’s ALL… doesn’t matter where I’m going next, doesn’t matter if I have 101 questions to think about… as long as I’m still feel happy, still having the desire to move on, I have to put on my thick skin and persevere on until the Lord says “GET OUT”.
I’m Coming Back!!!
What lies in front of me…. I don’t know… only God knows…
I only know that it’s going to be a bed of roses… with thorns… yes with thorns.. it’s not going to be easy, but it’s definitely beautiful.
2 comments:
yay!! awaiting your arrival with open arms, dearie :) - val
Hi. Was wondering when you will be blogging again. You are right, anxiety always come with changes. So, it is great to feel your positiveness amidst this anxiety.
Since you are on the subject of rose, may this lyrics from The Rose give you gumption:
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFhJUk7LNT0&playnext=1&list=PL64BDBB9BFB0B2F5B&index=6
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