My Birthday Vigil

Tomorrow’s my birthday. I’m feeling excited cause it’s a very special day. It’s the day I’m bought to the world 28 years ago, the day I began my missionary duty on earth. My first assignment was to bring life to my parents and my elder brother. I hoped I did fulfill it… I’m sure, thank God that I was a joy to my family. As there are many out there who are struggling for acceptance, coping with rejections.

For the past few years, if I did not remember wrongly, eversince I spoke to mum about my vocation, I would pretend to sleep before 12midnight to wait for mum to come into my room to give me my first birthday kiss. Then I will sleep soundly. This year, it’s an entire different experience. Mum not with me, no need to pretend to sleep, no midnight kisses…… I suppose I just have to try to go to bed, knowing that God is with me.

I’m feeling worried because I’m wondering how mum will be feeling tonight and tomorrow. If I can cry just by thinking of what usually happens on this day, mum would also feel the same. She must be missing me! She must be telling herself that she is not beside me on this special day to celebrate with me. I’m very worried for her, but I can’t do anything. I can only pray that she will take it calmly with support from my family.

On the happy side, I’m grateful that I’m not celebrating my birthday on my own. God has given me a community of sisters here at Kuala Terengganu to celebrate this special gift of life. My 28th Birthday would be the first celebration away from my blood family but the first in my God-given family.

I always hear people saying that birthday is just another day. I also tried to have that mindset for the past years but deep down I knew it’s not JUST ANOTHER DAY. It’s a SPECIAL DAY.

I never knew this day would mean so much to me. It’s also another great challenge to my vocation. I miss my family so much now that it’s beyond what I can manage. I’m not sure if I am able to handle all these emotions which will pop up now and then before I get a heart attack.

“O God, if this is what you want of me, You have to see me through it. “

Part 2... coming soon....................