How am I feeling?
There’s fear, sadness and excitement. Ai ya… it’s a mixed feeling.
I was just reflecting earlier on. The call is certain, I responded and Jesus will be with me. Now, it’s all up to me. How long I can persevere? How discipline and focus I am? Being a person who gives up easily and with low level of determination, how long can I last?
See…. Again worrying things beyond my control now.
Many asked me when I can go home and what will I be doing? My answer is I don’t know. I always think that sometimes, by not knowing, living without much expectation helps one to be more open to new circumstances. Too often, we want to know everything and when things don’t happen the way we know, we get disappointed.
So, I never ask my provincial this question of ‘When can I go home?’ not till yesterday because she asked me what else do I want to know. So I asked lor. Her reply was, not till I get detached from my family, but I do get my annual home leave.
I was reminded on the importance of the initial formation years. Yes, I must be strongly rooted in Christ and therefore detachment is necessary in order to be focus. Giving myself completely to Christ means, I belonged to him. My goodness, that sounds so scary. Enough, don’t want to think anymore. All I can do is to do and give my very best.
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