It is finished…

Does this sounds familiar? Jesus had completed his mission on earth. Have I completed? Ha ha! It’s only the beginning.

Last evening’s RCIA session was the last ministry I’m letting go. It’s not even completed yet. I had to leave just before the most important preparation to their baptism. But then, it’s also a good time to stop.

As I looked back the 2 yrs journey, it was a very fruitful journey. I had my first experience as sponsor and had my first God-daughter. Of course I gained a lot in many other aspects too, especially self-growth.

Frankly, throughout these 2 years journey, I attended sessions in a half-hearted attitude. My initial motivations were all wrong. I just wanted to play the keyboard to keep it going and improve my skills, and also to test my calling if I’m called to journey with people. It’s because I commited myself to the ministry, so I had to be responsible lor.

Last evening was a very clear affirmation for me. It was a boost of my self-esteem.

I always think that I attend RCIA because I have to play, “play only ma”. I shut my ears during sessions because I’m just too tired of listening or I would just leave. I try to keep practice short and ignores mistakes/messiness because I’m just too lazy to bother. Then, I felt guilty for not being able help others worship. I had no motivation to interact with participants because I did not know them and I’m not really journeying with them. I’m just wasting my time there because I still have to do something while waiting. I actually felt quite useless in the 2nd journey compared to the 1st. So my commitment level wasn’t 100%. And… all my ‘SIAO SIAO’ moments was just to keep me more alive and motivated. And… always enjoying the love that all the older ones were giving me. I really had not done enough to deserve anything

Last night, it hits me that I shouldn’t worry so much about what I do, what I should do, what I must do and what I have done. I cannot downgrade myself to think that I’m useless and my commitment is not there just because I don’t see any results.

So, it’s all about ‘being’ there, ‘being myself’ and ‘do what I need to do’… That’s All.

So... on this blog, I also don't care what you think: "too long, rubbish, lousy..." I just write, That's All..hee hee.... of course with one and only pure intention of sharing life.