It’s really challenging……

It’s already challenging enough to be practising my faith in a non-catholic family, in addition to the celebration of Lunar New Year plus Holiday out… it’s worst….

Yeah! I just returned from Batam View Beach resort. Although, there wasn’t much things to do there, I really enjoyed the time spent with my family and my cousin’s family watching TV, kayaking, swimming, eating, spa and playing cards. It probably would be my last time experiencing such moments with my family. Really don’t know when would be the NEXT TIME.

I realized that that family holidays are really important because it helps binds everyone together…. at home… there’s too many DISTRACTIONS…… as a result, we hardly even get to sit together at the living room.

OK.. back to why it’s challenging living with non-catholics. Today’s Ash Wednesday, the beginning of lent and yeah, my last day at Batam. Of course couldn’t fast lah. Had a BIG BUFFT breakfast in the morning… thought maybe could at least abstain… without knowing, chicken ham was already floating in my stomach.

Ermm… ok nevermind… then fast for lunch and dinner. Very good…manage to convince my family that I’m not hungry during lunch. On the way home, my brother decides to celebrate his birthday today instead of tomorrow….and that was at 5pm. Ok… no more fasting for dinner… and worst, can’t even attending the 8pm mass which I planned to go. Thank goodness, we managed to get home by 5.30pm and I rushed off for 6.15pm mass. At least I fulfilled ONE thing.

At mass, I felt pretty guilty. Although, I know that our God is compassion and love. He understands…. but still……

Later on I felt that the Lord was telling me that that’s precisely the reason why I’m moving on to give myself completely to Him. Only by doing so, I would be able to practise my faith fully. And that’s what God wants to give me. --------------I hope that I'm getting the right msg---------------

I felt happy… yet feeling depressed…. My days are NUMBERED. I’m scared, I’m worried of so many things, my family, myself, my possessions, everything… ha ha… sometimes, I felt like buying the whole shopping center…. Other times, I felt like throwing everything away. I'm going CRAZY......

Ok… stop thinking…stomach stirring already….better GO TO BED…..